


Torn

by regulusrules



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Family Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Regulus Black Deserves Better, Sad Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:28:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25087684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regulusrules/pseuds/regulusrules
Summary: Sirius Black had always loved his Slytherin, rule-following brother, much to the shock of many. However, would his emotions remain unchanged when he is bombarded by Regulus’s true allegiances?•|∆❝ 𝑰𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆. ❞
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black
Comments: 12
Kudos: 75





	Torn

The opposition between the Ancient House of Black and the ancient walls of Hogwarts most likely have been meticulously written in a hidden manuscript. Not by the eldest son of that household, however much surprisingly, but by its youngest. Its first page certainly described that from all the many things Regulus Black had loved about Hogwarts, the easily found solitude and the peacefulness surrounding every inch was arguably his favourite.

To him, Hogwarts was not just a normal place to live and study, but a safe haven where he could really be at ease and find comfort within away from everything. A place where he won’t be inclined to take any life altering decisions apart from who to hang out with each evening.

And out of all the places in that wide castle where he could have hung out with his own self that eventful morning, Regulus chose the oak tree by the still and silent Black Lake, reading and enjoying his internal peace until it came to an abrupt stop.

Someone, who was known to pass as his twin, had decided to disturb Regulus’s solo date, and proceeded to snatch the book Regulus had been reading and throwing it away from them carelessly while sitting down beside him with an arm around his neck.

“Well hello, young brother. Long time, no see.” said Sirius Black cheerfully.

“Get your filthy arms away from me and return my book back, blood traitor.” replied Regulus coldly the moment he heard the all too familiar voice.

“There now, dear brother. I was only looking forward for a civilised conversation. Fancy walking with me?” Sirius asked, not feeling repulsed a bit.

“I’d rather walk with the Devil.”

“Well we are pretty close mates so you won’t feel a huge difference, you know.”

Regulus sighed heavily.

“Go away, Sirius. I’m not in the mood to endure any of your sass right now.”

“I’m not trying to be sassy really. How are you, Regulus?” Sirius asked sincerely, looking at the eyes he knew so well to the point of acing drawing them blindly.

“Oh, you care. That’s definitely something new for me.” Regulus huffed indignantly, his cool composure still in place. “Better than you’ll ever be anyway, blood traitor.” he completed, pushing away Sirius’s arm.

“Yeah, well I do have my moments.”

Standing up and walking towards his abandoned book, Regulus replied shortly. “And I really don’t want to be a part of them.”

“Regulus why are you pushing me away from you like that?” Sirius asked while standing up too, hurt starting to be evident in his eyes.

“I don’t appreciate the existence of blood traitors in my life.”

“What is this blood I’m betraying, Regulus?” he incredulously asked. “You actually believe it differs whether you’re pure-blood or less? Wake up, brother, and smell the coffee. Don’t let Mother and Father brainwash your morals.”

Slightly triggered, Regulus stopped walking suddenly and turned to face his sole brother with a dark expression on his face. “Don’t you dare talk about them after what you had done. You left them heartbroken and disappointed at how you have turned up to be like.”

“They don’t have hearts for me to break, Regulus. Surely you’ve noticed.” Sirius said indifferently.

“The only thing I have truly noticed is that you do not deserve to be a part of a Pure family like ours.”

With so much focus and keen intent, Sirius looked at the one who apparently shared everything but his morals. “You think it is such an honour to be a part of a prejudiced family? You think I’m grateful to be a part of a family that hates me? You’ll never understand, Regulus. You were the better son, always. You don’t know how hard it was for me to live like a rotten egg.”

Regulus wasn’t fazed.

“Well you certainly are one. Just look at the company you choose; that alone would speak for your chickenlike nature.”

“These people, Regulus, are far better than anyone in our family. At least they understand the proper concept of life. We were all born alike, Regulus, no one is better than the other. We weren’t born to fight; we were born to love others and because of their personalities, not their ancestors.”

Clapping slowly in mocking disbelief for who he was hearing those words from, Regulus just said, “That is what you fools of quixotic ardour think. There is only power in this world, Sirius, neither love nor hate. You’re just too weak to know so.”

“And you’re too soft to believe so!” Sirius fumed, not believing the words that were thrown in his face. “Where is my brother who had always been by my side no matter what? Where is my brother who used to be the only comfort for me after a beating from Father or a shouting match with Mother? Tell me, Regulus, where did _this_ kind, loving brother go?”

The question echoed with great passion that even the ice surrounding Regulus’s heart seemed to melt for a moment and would have given him the real honest reply, if not for just one simple detail.

Regulus couldn’t forget.

“That brother died when you chose the wrong way, Sirius. And those who choose wrong ways, I couldn’t care less about them.”

Regulus took one look at his brother’s hurt face and internally regretted what he had said. He will never admit it to anyone but he _truly_ loved his older brother. Yes, he was mad of what Sirius had done to him, but that would never be a reason powerful enough for him to hate his only brother.

Sirius and Regulus weren’t just brothers. They could have been one soul split into two when they were kids and almost no one dared to try and separate them until Sirius went to Hogwarts and ended up in Gryffindor House and associated himself with people they weren’t supposed to be surrounded by, while defying everything they were raised up knowing. Since then, the rift in their family had become too noticeable, allowing them to drift apart from each other unwillingly. Both felt empty without the other but both were too arrogant to admit so.

Nevertheless, Regulus still wanted his brother to rejoin them because he knew how powerful the Dark Lord and his followers were and that they will be merciless with his kind if captured.

And although deep down Regulus knew that his brother was right; he thought that he was never as brave as Sirius to even admit it to himself or to defy his family and step out of their line like him.

On the other hand, Sirius truly wanted to make amends with his little brother because he didn’t want to lose him and genuinely loved him. Sirius understood that everything that went wrong was because of him, but his idealism could not allow him to retreat. Just the mere idea of him returning back to the hellish house, to all the wretched memories, was unacceptable. He thought it was very difficult to explain because of the stubbornness of Regulus while ironically, however, he hadn’t perceived how Regulus was going through the exact same dilemma.

Both were fighting the same battle and _both_ were losing it.

“Let me help you, Reg,” implored Sirius, holding his brother’s shoulders gently and looking straight into his eyes. “Please let me help you before it’s too late. Let me help you before they lead you to a wrong road. No matter what you say, Regulus, I know that you still care for me and you know how deeply I’ll always care for you. Just please, let me _help you_...”

“I don’t need your help!” Regulus snapped at him, breaking out from the tender grip he longed for for _so long_ and couldn’t find. “ _You’ll_ be the one in need all the help if you defy our side. _You_ wake up and smell the coffee, brother. They’re too powerful to be rebelled against! You’ll be digging your own grave if you keep acting as if you’re match to them! Stop being so stubborn, brother, there is still a chance. The Dark Lord accepts those who redeem themselves and see sense. So see some sense for once in your life, Sirius, before it is indeed _too_ _late!_ ”

For a moment, Sirius was shocked from his brother’s offer and how genuine it seemed to be. He then smiled sadly and said, “I don’t care whether I live or die, Regulus, if that’s what you’re implying. Life is worthless without some morals, brother. We grew up knowing these morals together, you, Andy and I, but... it seems that you’ve forgotten some.”

“A prankster talking about morality,” scoffed Regulus, rolling his eyes. “Are you honestly listening to yourself, Sirius?”

“Pranking people has a totally different definition than turning their lives into hell.” Sirius retorted, glaring slightly at him. Sighing, he then said, “I just don’t want you to get dragged in this mess, Regulus. You’re cheering for the wrong team.”

Regulus laughed silently to himself. If only his brother knew.

“Sometimes, playing with the wrong team is your only survival, brother.”

And with that, Sirius shoved Regulus to the tree behind them so fiercely with his hands around his brother’s neck.

“ _Playing?_ ” he repeated, with eyes full of rage and ultimate fear. “Please tell me you don’t mean what I’m thinking about, Regulus.”

But Regulus didn’t respond.

“ANSWER ME, REGULUS! You’re actually taking part of what’s happening not just watching?” he yelled, tears forming in his eyes from the dread of what might happen to his younger brother.

“I had to follow.” Regulus finally answered, after a very long moment of silence.

And that was the first and last time Sirius Black had ever slapped his younger brother, with so much violence and grief.

“Why, Regulus, why?” he asked, his voice breaking from the painful fear filling his innards and he clutched his brother’s arms so tightly that it felt the only grounding proof of what had just happened to them both. “Why choose such life? You actually think that Voldemort’s path is the right one? Just look at how he treats his inferiors, Regulus, not his equals, and you’ll know how he is really like and what he is really planning! Why demolish your life and a lot of others with such a decision? Why are you turning your once pure and kind heart into a stony one and ripping _mine?_ ”

Sirius suddenly stopped, his eyes going wide with every accumulated realisation dawning on him. “You do realise that I might fight you one day because of that road you chose? Can you even imagine how terrible that thought is to me? Or have you ever even thought about anyone except yourself!”

Tears were flowing freely now from the identical grey eyes facing each other. Both were astounded from the actions of the other and they couldn’t restrain what was veiled any longer.

“Stop treating me like a goddamn devil, Sirius!” screamed Regulus, feeling the wounds of everything he had gone through resurfacing again no matter how hard he had tried to heal them.

“You are no devil and I am no angel, Regulus! The only difference between us is that I’m _tryin_ g to act on the light inside me and you are _insisting_ on repelling yours!”

“There is no light and darkness, there is only the will to be stronger and more powerful! I was raised to know that; changing it would be my destruction.” Regulus concluded slowly.

“That is absurd and you know that! I was raised like that too in case you have forgotten and yet I’m defying everything we were told when we were young because it is against our humanity!”

“I’m not like you, Sirius!”

“I don’t want you to be like me, Regulus! I want you to be like _your_ old self.” the Gryffindor said wearily.

“My old self is gone and because of you, Sirius!” Regulus finally snarled in anguish. “So stop acting as if you know. Stop acting as if you care. Stop acting as if I’m actually someone important in your life!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Sirius asked bewilderedly, his hands going from Regulus’s arms to hold his tear-streaken face. “Of course you’re someone important in my life. Of course I care and I always will. You’re my _brother_ , Regulus.”

_“THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE REMEMBERED THAT BEFORE YOU LEFT!”_

Electrocuted silence engulfed the air where neither was able to converse anymore from the heartbreaking yell echoing around them that Regulus had provided and the distance that found its place between them after Sirius had taken two shocked strides backwards.

Regulus only took a long, painful breath and then slowly, yet woefully said, “You left and you didn’t even think for a moment about the consequences of your actions. You left and you knew that that decision was going to affect me too. You left me _alone_ , Sirius. And yet you didn’t care... You didn’t care about anyone except yourself. So now you’re telling me that I’m the selfish one? So now you’re blaming me for choosing that road? So now you’re telling me that I’m the one who’s throwing away everything!”

Drinking in his brother’s still stunned expression, Regulus could do nothing but say everything he had always wanted to voice out loud. “These people you consider heartless and emotionless were the only ones who cared when you left. These people do have hearts and value friendship, too. These people didn’t abandon me when I needed them just because life was a bit unfair to them.”

“I’ve never abandoned you, Regulus,” Sirius replied dolefully, finally regaining his volition over his vocal cords. “Ever since the day I had left, you were always on my mind if not in front of my eyes. Yes, I didn’t try to find a way of communication between us but that was for your own safety albeit my feelings. I was afraid Mother or Father would find out that we’re talking and that they might think you’re aiding me or that I’m encouraging you on leaving and they would disown you too, and I just couldn’t let you face the one thing you were always afraid from. I really wanted to talk to you, but I just couldn’t.”

Irony started filling the shuddering air.

“I know that leaving was a very selfish thought from me, but I truly couldn’t take it anymore, Reg. The coldness and prejudice filling the house was suffocating. I couldn’t keep ignoring it like I always did. I was truly intending to wait until you finish Hogwarts so the both of us could live together elsewhere but that last fight with Mother was my final straw and you know I couldn’t stay one more second there. Yes, I wasn’t thinking straight and yes, I was thinking rashly, but that.. look of hurt and disappointment you gave me just before I had left was able to let me endure countless of restless nights. I deeply regretted leaving you in that dark, miserable house alone afterwards.”

“And pray tell me, Sirius; what benefit came out from that remorse of yours?” Regulus asked painfully. “Your remorse would never be able to heal the hole you had already carved inside me.”

Sirius fell silent.

“It can at least try to fix things, Regulus,” he muttered guiltily. “And that was why I came to talk to you today. I wanted to come and try fix what had happened between us and tell you that after Uncle Alphard had heard of what had happened, he left me some of his fortune so I can appropriately start my life. I was staying with James ever since but I’m going to buy a flat when I graduate and I implore you, Regulus, to come with me and wipe away all this nonsense that is going to cause everyone no good at the end. People will suffer because of it and you will be deeply regretful at that time and you won’t be able to change anything then.”

“I can’t, Sirius. It’s too late to turn my back from it,” Regulus replied sorrowfully with an accepting smile on his ashen face. “It’s.. a lifetime of devotion or death.”

“We will be able to protect you, Reg.” The elder brother said with solemnity but Regulus shook his head.

“You should worry about protecting yourself and your friends instead. The Dark Lord is not as weak as you apparently deem him to be.” he finalised, and they didn’t know what to say anymore.

“I do wish you a happy life though, Sirius,” Regulus completed tentatively, with genuine hope and honesty occupying his grey orbs. “The life you have always wanted, away from us.. away from me. But I, too, am imploring you to stay away from this war, Sirius. He’ll be merciless with your lot if you got caught. And knowing that I’m in league with the person who killed my only brother will be a.. burdensome responsibility for me to bear.”

Sirius shook his head slightly then bleakly said, “Cowering away from danger isn’t my forte, Regulus; I think you already know that. I just want you to remember one thing, brother. If we ever do cross paths because of your decision and one of us will have to finish the other, I’ll leave you the honours.” he smiled sadly. “Not fear from you of course, but because I’ll never attack you no matter what and I’ll always try to protect you, if I can.

“Do try and back out from that road, Regulus, before you damage yourself and others. And whenever you do so, my door will always be opened for you. Until then, this is where we’ll part ways, hopefully not forever. Farewell, my dear brother.”

“Siri!” Regulus shouted after a few seconds and Sirius turned again to his brother with curiosity filling his eyes from the usage of the nickname he hadn’t heard in so many years.

“Please... Please stay safe.” he beseeched him, a single tear cascading down his face without any sign of embarrassment from it.

And then Sirius hugged Regulus with all the power and love he could muster as if it was the last hug he’ll ever share with his little brother, which was very ironic because little did both know that that was the last conversation ever between them, and little did Sirius know that his brother always had the sense inside him but started acting on it only two years after that conversation, and died like a hero, just to fight for the light.

**Author's Note:**

> feedback is my patronus! ◕ᴗ◕


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